Waging the Mummy War. Israels toughest battle so far.

As I sit here, dipping slices of nectarine in Elite chocolate *[about the only thing elite chocolate is good for – melting] with the strains of Arab dance music coming in through the windows from the wedding in the next village [sounds like a great party, just a bloody loud one – I shouldn’t complain, technically we were invited if you count the casual invite from the local gardeners son] and the dog cowering under my chair from the fireworks [sshh! Don’t tell my landlady!] I find myself scrolling through Kveller, the popular Jewish parenting website which Mayim Bialik [god bless her] writes for.

One of their writers, by the name of Gabrielle Birkner, has decided to see the positive in Elizabeth Wurtzel who wrote a Hideous article on Stay At Home Mums (SAHM) [clearly she has never actually met one] including the following quote:

“…round-the-clock motherhood is little more than ‘making okay meals and decent kid conversation.’ [yikes] Wurtzel implies that all highly educated women who “opt out” do so because they’d rather spend their days going to yoga classes and getting pedicures and shopping at Chanel while someone else is looking after their children than, say, put their Ivy League degrees to use pursuing a partner track at a white-shoe law firm.”

http://www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/the-case-against-opting-out/

Oh dear. I think its a heck of a lot more than that but lets not bother labouring that point here, somebody else on Kveller already did that. In any case its sort of obvious really by the number of women who don’t stay at home [even if they can] because “its just so hard” or “unfulfilling” or “exhausting” or “lonely” or that type of thing. I am not knocking those women, I am merely suggesting that if some people can’t hack it, then it can’t be so easy, right?

The yoga comment is hilarious. If I want to do [uninterrupted] yoga [i.e. yoga without kids climbing over me and through my legs] I have to get up before them to do it. At the moment that would mean getting up around 5 ish. Lets just say I don’t manage it so often. The pedicure thing is hilarious, its much easier to organise a pedicure on a lunchbreak than it is to find a babysitter whilst you have one [assuming you have the money for the pedicure and the babysitter] and the Chanel comment is a scream. Can you even buy Chanel in Israel? Eilat? Herzliyah maybe? And just where exactly would I wear [lets face it, flaunt] my purchases? The pinat chai [animal corner]? Shul? I would probably stick out less if I came dressed for a hike. Out for a date with hubby in Trendy Karmiel? [!] The mind boggles.

So what does Birkner see that is positive in this Wurtzel woman? In short she suggests that if all educated women stay at home, who will get out and fight the feminist battle for the working women? She also mentions that she found staying at home with her kids far more “physically exhausting and emotionally demanding” than she ever found her job. I have to say I am not in agreement with that one. If you ever met some of my managers in my previous employment, you would see why. A word of warning to successful women here. Never attempt to be a successful fundraiser in a department ruled by men. And don’t even think about making more money than them. The women will find you annoying if you try to change the status quo, and the men will be completely threatened by you. And then try to intimidate you.

As it happens, I actually did attempt to “wage the war” that this writer mentions. I wanted to go back flexitime, and do more work-from-home [I had already had to do this due to a horribly nauseous pregnancy where I often couldn’t leave my house, and it had actually worked out ok] but my boss made negative remarks and somehow the atmosphere was one where I just felt I couldn’t ask.

More fool me.

In short I think women will vote with their feet. If the conditions at work are not suitable to raising a family, then women who see this as unacceptable wont return to work. The workforce will lose out. Nowhere is this more pronounced than Israel, where it seems the government do EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to make it hard for women to return to work and be any sort of mum. Paternal leave is almost non-existent. Maternity pay is minuscule – just a few weeks [this accounts for the number of lost work days by women who have to stay home with their kids who are a) on formula and b) exposed to huge amounts of germs at their Gan/peuton – not a good combination]. Not to mention the amount of unnecessary time and money spent on healthcare and the amount of antibiotics given out as a result. Flexitime/WFH is something I have only heard of for people working for overseas companies, the majority of the population have never heard of such a thing and so far the only vagueley positive step I have seen is one company who have an on site creche [not an Israeli firm, obviously]. Women have it very rough in Israel. Its the standard way, or the Highway.

Women who stay at home here are considered highly privileged [even if they live off lentils and don’t shop, like yours truly] and many women have confided in me that they are deeply unhappy with the daycare their kids receive but they feel they have no choice. [Don’t get me started on the sweets at Gan issue.]

People often comment how far Israel has come in the last 64 years. Indeed it has, but not without sacrifice. Huge advances are made in medicine and technology, but the sad fact is my healthcare provider [Clalit] is still doling out the same claptrap advice for babies/small children which seems more in the interest of Keeping Drug Companies happy then actually being of use. They are desperate to give out Vitamin D drops in a country where the sun shines every day, but breastfeeding support is non-existent, and basic facilities for mums & babies such as swimming or mum & baby groups are either non-existent or exorbitant. They don’t subsidise anything useful, but they do love calling you up and making out like they do. “10% off baby massage!” [I know how to do that, and 10% is pathetic] “Free blood test!” [Why? so you can tell me to give them more expensive vitamin pills?] In short, the average Israeli benefits very little from these medical advances, and as for technology… have you ever tried to buy any trendy new gadgets in Israel? Or just your basic iPhone? I think about half the population must have bankrupted themselves just to keep up with the developed world.

If anyone wants a PhD topic, how about “comparing stress levels in children subjected to 6 full days of daycare with children who are at home with mum?” Or, same concept but comparing Positive Health, or Social Happiness. Most [previous generation] Israelis will adamantly tell you that daycare is good for children, and keeping them home past 1 year deprives them of essential social skills. To this I have one comment. How does the rest of the world regard Israelis when it comes to social skills?

I rest my case.

[NB – good source of info on this one is “Raising Babies” by Steven Biddulph. Time someone did that exact same research in the holy land].