Navigating the Israeli Education System. The fun starts now!

From my observations, anglo-olim appear to fall into roughly 2 categories. Those mega-zionists that try to embrace Israeli culture – pop their kids into daycare early, volunteer for this and that, take advantage of all opportunities to integrate, and may even avoid speaking English in the home.

Then there are those who prefer to remain as they are, speaking English where possible, maintaining old customs, opting for their own cultural preferences, sourcing anglo doctors/dentists/opthalmologists and avoiding israeli tv like the plague.

Ín case you haven’t figured it out, we fall roughly into category 2.

I always thought that those who embrace the culture from Day 1 do it out of some vehement zionism, and I never really considered that it may simply be a coping strategy. In other words, perhaps people decide on arrival that they don’t want to feel like an outsider for the rest of their lives, and so adopt the If you Can’t Beat em, Join em philosophy.

Remaining in one’s own comfort zone may seem easier than integration on the face of it, but the problem with remaining on the periphery whilst constantly communicating in a foreign language that you are not 100% comfortable in is that you often wonder whether people really “get” you. It can be harder to feel comfortable, to show your true self. And the same applies to your kids. I have noticed my kids holding back somewhat with Israeli friends, not engaging in quite the same way – for example with imaginative play, and perhaps not being fully understood in gan.

Although I felt sorry for Jojo that perhaps he is missing out on certain types of play, I didn’t think the language barrier would be a problem academically. But his ganenet thinks otherwise. She is concerned that his hebrew is substandard – he is unsure of things such as what letter a word begins with, grouping things into categories, following activity instructions, that sort of thing. And together we reached the conclusion that this might make it harder for him to focus, and he could end up getting in trouble over it, which is a great shame.

So she has put him on the list for “extra help” in gan. This would entitle him to an assistant who helps him for a few hours a week. For me this seemed bizarre at first. My son seems very intelligent, surely there are more needy cases? Besides, he is having no trouble learning to read in English (his standard is roughly that of a kid the same age in the UK) so surely I can help him catch up with the same thing in ivrit? On the other hand, if it is something relatively straightforward that he would learn easily by Mixing With the Natives, so to speak, perhaps we should nip the issue in the bud now?

In the end we went along with it and a few weeks ago I attended a meeting at the local council to discuss whether my son qualifies for this help. To any parent who has ever had their child discussed in this manner, you will understand how hard this was. Call me sensitive, but I found it very very difficult listening to people talk about my child. I am not sure how parents of children with severe issues manage it. I suppose they just toughen up with the experience. The whole thing was somewhat disarming as I myself did not understand 100% of what the ganenet said.

The pyschologist (thankfully anglo, so I could understand her 100% at least) said she met with Jojo, he seemed perfectly bright, he drew her an age appropriate picture and they had a nice conversation but she commented that she would have expected his hebrew to have been a little better relative to the age he made aliyah (19 months). I informed them that since we have come here, everyone comments on how “cute” his accent is, and encourages him to talk in English, which is great for them but didn’t help him much. That said, I myself have noticed he speaks slower in hebrew and does not speak with the same clarity of expression that he does in English. (I have long ago given up on EVER being able to do this. A casualty of making aliyah post age 30).

We chose not to send Jojo to Gan until he was 3 (it worked out as nearer 4 because his birthday is in January). We made a decision a while back that gan was too long (for age 3) and this combined with the No Lunch issue led us to take our son out of gan early (at 1pm). Many other parents have protested, complained… but few have actually taken action. At least not on our yeshuv. One year on, I feel he is able to go until 2pm (after all, if we were in the UK he would be in reception class) but the lack of food is a real issue for him and he is unable to function properly without eating very regularly. So I collect both my children at 1pm. We also don’t send them on a Friday unless there is something really fun happening – like the Purim party, or if one of us is unwell and we can’t really do much, or if we have something important to attend, preferring to spend our Fridays doing family outings. These decisions in combination have reduced his exposure time at gan and therefore to hebrew and israeli gan culture. I am quite sure that the ganenet and others have questioned our decisions. Do I regret it? Not really. My son is very knowledgeable on the things he has wanted to study, has an active imagination, is a self-taught naturalist, and seems to be able to make rhyming jokes in 2 languages. His English reading is coming along in leaps and bounds, he is starting to take an interest in hebrew words and he often makes comparisons between the 2 languages without confusing them in any way. I remember reading years ago that children who are exposed to many languages may end up speaking later, or having otherwise delayed language skills. But only recently have I heard of people finding this to be a problem.

Herein lies the great cultural void. From the perspective of his ganenet, this is very important. Perhaps she is concerned that if he is not prepared for Kita Alef at school, it will be on her head. I can understand this. Israelis have a great need to conform when it comes to education. Children are often held back at gan for reasons which seem daft to me. Perhaps it is because I have had so much more contact with home-schoolers, or perhaps I have always had a more open-ended view of education, but I really don’t see the problem in children progressing at different levels. If I am honest I think the far more pressing issue is whether or not a child can focus on anything at all in a gan environment – with the noise and general distraction going on. It’s not really an environment conducive to learning anything! In line with what I have read in the past, the girls do seem to find it easier to focus. I am not sure whether this is because boys have a greater need to move around than girls, or perhaps because girls are wired (or encouraged) to conform and co-operate from childhood. This is very clearly indicated in my son’s gan, where the girls happily sit for hours drawing pictures and the boys look to me as if they would rather be outside swinging from trees or whatever it is boys do at that age.

The meeting seemed to reach the conclusion that Jojo does not require special assistance, but I did ask how we could help matters so that he does not left behind or worse, not be able to keep up and give the ganenets a hard time. One of the women asked me in a slightly unpleasant, insinuating way about Jojo’s behaviour at the dinner table. “Does he think he is the most important person? Does he do all the talking?” I am not sure where she was going with that one or what she was trying to get me to say about my child. But I didn’t like her tone at all. When I asked what could be done instead of the special assistance she actually suggested I sit down with the psychologist and get some Parenting Tips. At this, I bristled. (This would NEVER happen in England. Teachers are taught to steer these issues with Very Careful Wording.) For goodness sake, I am a very mindful parent! Surely we have just established that the whole issue is not of behaviour, but of a child who just needs to brush up on his ivrit? Has she not been paying attention??! And since when is my parenting going to affect his enjoyment of gan?! Sorry lady, some kids just don’t enjoy being in gan. I never did. I always preferred to be at home. Why do israelis always assume this to be some sort of psychological problem?! Have they ever spent time in a gan environment? It can be a lot of fun but it’s also busy busy go go and they have to follow a lot of rules and regulations.

For me, the most important issue in education is that a child should be encouraged to study what interests them, and that they should never lose their will to learn. Everything else is secondary. It must be very challenging for those working in the education system not to get caught up in comparisons or expectation, and to regard children as individuals. It’s hard enough as a parent, and as parents we don’t deal with herds. How can we encourage our children to embrace their individual selves, whilst navigating such a tight system?