Kitni-what??? New home, new rules.

After 6 animated years of banter with Husband regarding the eating of kitniyot on pesach [he’s For, I’m Against] it boils down to this.

We live in israel now. And its not the Shtetl anymore.

A few weeks ago, we left Karmiel and moved to the next mountain. Its probably only a few hundred metres away, but it takes around 12 – 15 minutes to drive it, as you need to drive round and round the mountains. Not a problem for us, we are used to driving to the countryside. There are those who consider Bushey, a mere 15 minutes drive from Hendon along the cheerful A41, to be countryside. We often had to ply friends with homecooked meals and wine to visit us. So whats the big change?

Not much. Just it’s really really quiet. And there’s no makolet for miles. So you absolutely have to get along with your neighbours in case you run out of sugar. Not a problem so far, they all seem perfectly friendly. In fact, just a day or so after we arrived, a flurry of kind neighbours turned up with home baking. Using Purim as an excuse to say hello, we were treated to the most wonderful trays of goodies, from freshly baked oat biscuits [American trans: Oatmeal cookies] to chocolate pretzels, sefardi biscuits, truffles…. we are truly blessed. My children havent even noticed that I havent baked since we got here. Thankfully.

The view is gorgeous. The sunsets get better and better. Every colour you can think of. And my kids love it. Roni has finally found solace in a place he can run wild, and as the worlds most independent 1 year old, he can roam free amongst nature. With Jojo there to grab him if he approaches a road. I can finally train my kids to cross roads, because there are so few cars here, they can be given a little independence. Jojo loves the pinat chai [Animal corner] and we visit regularly. Despite being knocked down by Aliza-the-Goat on several occasions, Roni goes back for more. There is nothing more pleasing that seeing a small child view a peacock displaying its feathers for the first time. They are positively mesmerised.

Yes we are truly on a far-off mountain here, miles from civilisation. There is a shul, a moadon [community centre/hall type thing] a mikva and the pinat chai. That’s it. And lots of nature. Trees, a little park just next to our house, and turtles ambling across the road. So far I’m not missing much. There are no shops, no “civilisation”. Clearly there is a reason people starting families move to these far off hilltops. What mum, with small children, has time to shop anyhow???

So the way I see it, we are officially israelis. Our life is in nature. Dust is part of life. The garden is an extension of our living-room. Our kids no longer need shoes. People seem to move a bit slower here, at least during the day anyhow.

And so we are about to enter that time of year… Pesach. Just as I have finished organising my new home [well almost, couple of rooms still look like baggage claim] I now get to start All Over Again. But I am resisting. I was brought up to believe, “Dust is not Chametz” and so I continue to follow this shita. But unfortunately that doesnt get me out of the fact that after finally managing to organise my kitchen in such a way that I can fit it all in, I now have to re-order the entire thing. Good grief. Luckily I have Jojo’s enthusiastic singing of the Ma Nishtanah to remind me of whats important in life. Every day he goes up to Roni, shakes his finger and goes “no bread Roni, ok And no pasta?” which reminds me of how frighteningly easy it is to indoctrinate children. But I think he will love the seder, if he can stay awake.

Anyhow, after 6 years of debating the merits of eating those little-things-they-sell-in-sacks [i.e. kitniyot] the war is finally over. Husband has been trying to tell me for years that we should eat them. I could always eat them, as my father is temani, but as we always had ashkenazi guests staying with us for pesach, my mother didnt bother. [Thats her excuse and shes sticking to it. The fact that she is obsessed with potatoes is merely a happy coincidence] So why have I not eaten kitniyot since getting married?

Well because I married an ashky. And one has to take the rough with the smooth-and-fair-skinned, so they say. So I have to follow The Law. Even though the whole kitniyot thing only came about because Rabbis in cold countries were worried that Mrs Shterzynsthetiein would be shopping in the market one day, and some trader would try to sell her rice/lentils/dried peas, promising her that they hadnt been anywhere near flour, when in fact they could be lying. And to the untrained eye it looks scarily like Chametz. And ashkenazim have a golden rule. When in doubt. Dont take the risk. [Apparently, Slavery didn’t end with the crossing of the Red Sea].

Well thats ok, I get that. Makes sense. What I dont get is why, a thousand years later, when there are strict rules on food production, we STILL HAVE TO KEEP THIS???!!!

A friend of mine [who shall remain nameless] once told me on Pesach that she had gone out to eat with friends, but as it was pesach, she had chosen sushi over pizza. “Kitniyos” I told her jokingly, using that accent that makes it sound like a disease, where the emphasis is all on the first syllable. “Kitni-what?” she asked me. “You know, kitniyot, those little grainy things that ashkenazim don’t eat on pesach” She had no idea what i was talking about. Apparently, she had failed to notice that for over 20 years, her mother had never had rice or soy sauce in the house on pesach. Why? Because ashkenazim only ever eat potatoes!!! Then there are those who will happily drive to a seder, but wont eat kitniyot. In other words, sabbath desecration is totally fine, but Lentils?? Oh we couldn’t possibly! Where is this misplaced piety coming from???

And thus, here is my conclusion. Yes yes theres all this stuff about being holier than thou, and everyone wanting to outdo the next person, but honestly, I just think it boils down to health. Ashkenazim will promote anything that allows them to eat unhealthy food. Why shouldnt we eat potatoes?? Why should we have to eat healthy grains and pulses?? So we have to spend a week frying potatoes in chicken fat [lest the oil be contaminated] and eating meat and chicken and fried fish? Is that so bad??? Think of the kugel possibilities! Only recently, when some numbskull suggested we do away with the precious potatoes, did anyone start to re-evaluate.
[I should add here, that I am a potato lover, and have informed Husband that if we can eat rice, he may not get chremslach. Which would be a great shame to all except our growing tummies].

Since my “role” is to follow Husbands halacha [note; He has been known to forget Yom Kippur whilst travelling and eat reptiles] I gave him a challenge. Find me a kosher [trans: learned] source that says we can eat the healthy stuff, and I will go with it.

Lucky for me, Husband is a whizz on the internet.

And so, with great respect and reverance, we are now true disciples of Rav David Bar-Hayim. A true and learned zionist, he has recognised the intrinsic holiness of Israel, and the torah study that has been in constant development since Biblical times. And he has also figured out the one thing that Bnei Brak has failed to recognise. HALACHA IS DYNAMIC!!! Yes! Even today! And so we will be eating the food of our forefathers. Rice and Beets instead of shankbone according to Rava. Soft matzot [well if it was good enough for Avraham to bake them on pesach, why can’t we? Why can’t we eat middle-eastern matza, even if it does look like a laffa, instead of following clueless Europeans who as usual, have to be so damn SQUARE] and maybe even – shock – horror – SUSHIS. Yes, thats rice AND soy sauce. Double whammy.

After all, if halacha is dependent on geographic origin over place, then we should, technically, be keeping two day yom tovs.

God forbid.

And so, may God bless Rabbi David Bar-Hayim. He is The King.
Let me tell you why we love him. First of all, he knows how to actually read ivrit the way my yemenite ancestors did. Second of all, he makes special mention of the fact that their Rambam texts are likely to be the most authentic. And most important, He has renewed my love for torah and learning. Removed nagging doubts about over-enthusiastic charedim with which I have very little in common trying to make my religion as miserable as possible. And inspired me to get off the sofa and prepare for the big P. Amen.

Next weeks topic…… the merits of GeBROCHTS. [with an Umlaut]

P.S. I promised my friend Shuli that there will be pictures of our beautiful mountain views. Watch this space!