Israel. Where all decent appliances go to die.

I don’t get it. We had appliances and furniture in our house in London that happily lasted us for years. Once you gave them a wipe, they looked good as new. For some reason everything we own, after just a few months, is on its last legs. Take our posh Brabantia kitchen bin [wedding present courtesy of good friends], for years it never let us down, 6 months here and it looks dreadful and the thing you tap with your leg doesnt work anymore. I never realised how attached I was to that bin but its REALLY ANNOYING having to keep touching it with my hands… it’s a key part of my kitchen – who knew?  Our bedroom furniture is all covered in black mould as a result of the floods going on over our heads from weeks of heavy downpours. Our lovely dyson which used to be the most efficient noisy thing you ever saw sucking up everything in sight now makes this pathetic wining sound when you turn it on and I am sure its unwell or suffering some sort of fatigue. If my magimix goes I am planning to sit shiva for it. Then there is our furniture. All wooden and all rotting at the bottom from the stone floors and a lot of splash-happy overenthusiastic sponga.

I blame the cleaners.

After months and months of putting up with them, I have finally had enough. Agencies might be great at supplying people, but they don’t seem to supply anyone who actually cares about doing a good job. They all wave their hands at me saying “beseeeder beseeeder” but they don’t bloody LISTEN. I mean, if its your first day on the job in someones house, surely you should be trying to make an impression? surely you should be listening, and asking questions and doing your best?? The worst is when they break something and fail to tell you – its the covering up I hate, the sneakiness…I mean if you soaked my kids lovely board book DONT BLOODY WELL HIDE IT IN HIS DRAWER!!! Tell me so I can save it! They are so bloody proud these people they don’t want to admit to making a mistake. Even if they can’t read instructions on bottles. I found one cleaning my shower with rinse aid. She probably didn’t want me to know she couldnt decipher the labels. Is it an arab thing??? Or is everybody like that over here???

The trouble is they hear my accent and presume I am a rich American and I wont care about them throwing out my stuff but I do. Husband thinks they all have the same training – sweep out everything on the floor, put kids toys in cupboards no matter what state and put all clothing items in laundry [I can do that! Its easy! But it doesnt help me!] They bin everything; parts of kids toys, hairbands, those bottles you keep in the bath to wash kids hair and for them to play with, paperwork, iPhone chargers, bits of towelling I keep for wiping baby bottoms, empty bottles that can be recycled, instruction manuals… you name it. They seem to be exactly 10 years behind us in culture and are just embracing the wonders of consumerism. It drives me positively insane and even though I instruct them “DON’T BIN MY STUFF EVEN IF YOU THINK IT’S JUNK” they don’t pay any attention. And they never ever turn up when you think they are going to so you end up exiled from your own kitchen whilst they finish cleaning with 2 kids waiting for their lunch. Of course the easiest thing is to exit the house entirely but would you trust somebody you have known for 5 minutes in your house???

I know what they say – if you want a job done do it yourself [and both my neighbours have told me they absolutely love cleaning – is that normal???] and I must say the weeks I have done it, it was lovely having a sparkly house and not finding nasty surprises all week but with 2 small kids I’m afraid there is just no time.

Call me racist but I have had enough of the arab cleaners. I’m bringing in a Russian.   😉