A land flowing with Milk and [outrageously expensive] Honey

The Jpost claims that most Israelis do not celebrate Rosh Hashanah because they don’t really know what to do. With no agricultural significance, and lacking the intense holiness of Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah is the festival that gets short shrift.

That doesnt stop the country buying it’s weight in honey though.

So apparently we Israelis are paying 3x what americans pay for honey. And there aint no Tesco Value equivalent here which you can buy solely for the purposes of baking. At over 64 shekel for 1.5 kilo from Mega [the cheapest brand I found], it’s actually cheaper to buy a honeycake than make your own. With supersol offering 2 for 20 shekel, you do the maths! Of course if you do this then you miss out on the fun of getting completely covered in honey with your kids which I have to say was great fun. A few sticky moments but the result looks satisfactory.

Husband recently heard a rumour that the local arab village hosts a Glatt kosher butcher [somebody there must have seen us coming]
with a great selection and of course, competitive prices. My charedi neighbour looked at me like I was one sandwich short of a picnic when I suggested going there but as it’s just across the road we thought we would check it out. A lot of people have said they don’t want to give them our business, but frankly I don’t want to give my business to an Israeli that’s over-charging me. Let them have some healthy competition I say.

The place has a full time shomer, the most enormous teudah outside [“HELLO WE’RE KOSHER!”] and was filled with [slightly guilty looking] Israelis. We got most of what we needed including some unidentifiable meat because the guy serving me was hideously rude and impatient and I gave up asking him what the hell it was. Lets hope it tastes good. For some obscure reason there is no customer-friendly meat labelling here in any of the butchers. It’s all in code, and they have about 50 different names for the same type of meat. So you either swot up before you go or buy what you recognise and hope for the best. Then of course you have to get served [I always seem to get stuck behind the annoying woman in her 50’s that has Very Specific Requirements for her meat] and then you have to hope they give you something decent. To do this one often has to go to extraordinary lengths. I am not kidding I have seen Grown Women practically prostituting themselves for the sake of a decent hunk of brisket. One can only assume these women are completely desperate housewives. Here is a sample conversation, [from supersol], translated for your benefit:

“Where is David.”
“David is not working tonight.”
“But David always cuts up my chicken for me just how I like it.”
“David has a family function tonight.”
“Ok,” [long tragic sigh] “I suppose you will have to do.”
“I will have 25 chicken breasts butterflied and cut up into star shapes and one chicken cut up with every trace of fat removed DO YOU HEAR ME?? NO FAT!!! and 10 steaks…..”
Half an hour later, the poor new guy is still hacking up her meat [I am watching sacreligious amounts of chicken wastage here] until eventually I pipe up:
“I would have had those bits for my soup.”
The woman looks at me, all friendly, “why didn’t you say something?”
Er, because after TWENTY FIVE MINUTES I didn’t want to wait any longer to get served, that’s why.

Anyway these women might be happy to nag and flirt to get what they want but I just cant bring myself to do it. Note to family and yom tov guests: Apologies if the meat is tough, I’m not a bad cook, I’m a feminist.