Beaurocracy. Blame the British.

Number of ant sightings:  Thousands.  One crumb and they flock like you’ve never seen.

Number of Burekas consumed: 0 (I have now discovered the egosi ice cream bar.  It’s a relic of my childhood pesachs, only now its frozen.  Yum.)

Number of arsy Israelis Spotted:  2

So this morning we trooped off to the Bituach Leumi Institue to collect our child benefit.  We knew we might have to queue a bit (as Brits, we are socially conditioned to a bit of queuing.  Good for the health) but we assumed we would just hand over the required documents, maybe fill out a quick form, and get our money.

How foolish are we.

It seems that we are a victim of the British mandate, who sadly instituted a trail of more beaurocracy than they did fish n chips.  Forms, forms, and more forms, everything photocopied.  It seems nobody cares about the poor trees.  No wonder the JNF have been kept so busy over the years.  After waiting to see a lady she informs us that we need to go to another building and fill out some forms.  I have no idea why.  She keeps saying Gviyah to me (which I now realise means collection) but couldn’t explain to me what it was about, depite her colleague electing her to speak to me because “your english is better than mine.”  Not bloody likely.  She spoke to me in ivrit at 100 miles an hour, and had no idea how to explain the system to me.  I think it might have been something to do with me being an Ezrach Olah (Israeli Citizen born abroad), but I have no idea what non-hebrew speakers would do there.  Tear their hair out I suppose.

So off we trot to the other building (why? why? Why not have it all in one place?) to see another woman behind a desk who Just Could Not Be Bothered.  She asked me lots of questions about our status as olim, then gave me a bunch of forms to fill out.  Oh you can take them home get a friend to help and bring them another day, she says.  (Yes, because at 9 months pregnant I really want to be trotting around in the heat to various offices to recieve benefits that will barely pay for my return bus fare.)  I explained that my baby was about to be born any minute, and I would prefer to have it sorted now, so I will sit here and fill out the damn things.

I thought perhaps I was misunderstanding the forms, as the questions were so inane, but no it seems they did want to know absolutely everything about me, including what I had left behind in England (why do they need to know if we sold our house and have a bank account? Cheeky devils.  Though this is a country that thinks nothing of asking people what they earn or how much rent they pay so shouldn’t be surprised).  I was surprised they didn’t ask me for my shoe size, pre and during pregnancy.  I forced the woman to help me answer the ones I wasn’t sure of, and she seemed Surprised that I needed her help, like I should be fluent in ivrit after less than a month of being here.  And why shouldn’t the government know all my business? And will I spend the money on my kids? (well it’s hardly enough for a trip to the Bahamas so what else would I spend it on??!)  The whole proces took about 2 hours and I still have no idea if we will receive any money.  Glad I didn’t send husband alone for this task.

Crikey.  All this for 165 shekels a month.  Though it goes up to a generous 350 when you have 2 kids. Woopedoo.  If we used disposable nappies, it would just about pay for that and all the associated paraphernalia.  Not sure why the government bother.

We hope to move in to our new place early next week.  So until then, I plan to be a couch potato. And eat lots more egosi ice cream bars.  Mmmm.